Monday, June 8, 2009


There are a couple things about chocolate that really bother me, and bother me more and more the more I think about them. First, there's the seemingly universal belief that because I am a woman, I am therefore also a chocoholic. Why must I feign all manner of gratuitous conniptions over chocolate simply because I have more estrogen than the mail guy? I don't HATE chocolate, but honestly too much chocolate comes along pretty quickly. I just don't GET those quintuple chocolate death cakes with fudge sauce and cocoa nibs. Don't you peoples' palates get tired of the onslaught? Have you ever come out in a crowd and said, "Hey, so chocolate. What's the big whoop?" People look at you like you've just confessed to murdering your childhood best friend behind the swingset when you both were 10. All conversation comes to an abrupt and very pointed halt. Finger foods drop from people's suddenly slack lips. You've somehow insulted every one of these people, in a way that is so horrific that none of them will look at you the same way ever again. It's like you've just copped to digging little kids or something. It's on that level. NEVER say you don't have multiple orgasms over chocolate in public. In fact, scratch that - never say it outloud. Period. When everyone at the table is ordering dessert, and you are somehow forced to split yet another flourless chocolate layer cake with the mindless zombie next to you, just do it. Choke down that bollis of cocoa that forms an impenetrable, gluey film inside your mouth and LOVE every second of it. Yum.

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